Being bi-polar is fun.

It's the top of the ninth, you're in Wrigley and you're with 45,000 other screaming drunks. The Cardinals lost again. It comes down to one last pitch--one final strikeout. It's done. You've taken the lead in the division. Wait...HOLY HELL! We have the lead! YYYEEEEAAAHHH--





Yes! Yes! It's gonna happen! 1908 my ass, we're takin' it in 2009!

"But, it's only August. Your favorite month is coming up soon."

Shut up. This is our year. We can feel it. It's coming.

"You've said this for how many years now?"

Well, we beat the hell out of your Reds!

"OH. My God. You're right. What a feat that is. Holy shit."

Yeah, that's right. You might as well be a Cubbie fan, too.

"Hey, who do you play now?"

Marlins. We'll beat their ass.

"....oh yeah? Last I recall..."







"Shut up. That was then. This is now."

[a day passes]

"Hey, what's up?"

Fuck you.

"Whoa, hey...what's wrong?"

I don't want to talk about it.

"Sure?"

FUCKING GREGG, GOD DAMN HIS ASS!

"You were so happy a day ago, man."

This is a typical conversation carried on with a Cubs fan from Indiana. God bless 'em for having so much pride in their team and being over-emotional day in and day out. They continue on this pace, their short-lived lives will thin the herd.

On that note, go Reds and don't mess with Texas.

Aw, hell.

What a summer. I've only made time to do a couple of things:

- Work
- Sleep

Best summer I've had yet. From May through July, I had to serve my prison sentence at Five Star Distributing, a beer distribution center located in northern Indiana. Many times I worked 50 hours per week. Yay money, boo sleep. I also missed out on the simple things such as watching movies or heading out to the local watering hole with some friends. I've had no time for this. Some other examples/reasons I missed out on writing:

- Watching Pulp Fiction.

That's all that needs to be said, really. Now if you'll excuse me, I will start to write an article or two...and reach for my wallet...it's the one that says "Bad Mother Fucker."

Too busy. Piss off.

March 18th was my last post. Curious to know why? I'm dedicating my time toward work so that my exhaust would result in something similar to the image above. It's been one of the most irritating semesters of all-time. I have little to no time to post anything anymore. But by God (and West Virginia), I will not fold like I did with my old blog. So much shit has happened since the last post, that no one even gives a flying F anymore. Here's an idea of what's to come before the end of the school year:

- 2,500 word paper
- final project video/newscast package
- photoshop assignments (not easy if you're not a designer)

There's plenty more, but this is it. If I find time to post, I win. Otherwise...this will continue to be lame as a goat's sack. Wait, what?

In the meantime, hooray for baseball! Let's make it 101 years, Cubbies!

Holy shit, I can't fill out my brackets.

This year's NCAA Tournament is a giant mega cluster-you know what. There's nothing I can do. Ohio State vs Siena? UCLA vs VCU? Oklahoma State vs Tennessee? LSU vs Butler? What the hell am I to do?

...anyone have a quarter?

This is the only useful method for filling out this year's bracket for your office pool. First round may not be so bad, but the second round and beyond is what's going to make or break your shot at $50 or free lunch at your local Shoney's.

You can't automatically pick Duke because of their shit NCAA past. Oh, I'm a liar? Duke's so good? Oh well damn. Quit living in the past like those extreme ND football fans. You want proof of their suckiness? Here you go:





That's just the last two years. You know it's practically the same roster, so don't expect anything major from the Blue Devils. Before you start your bitching, conference champions are known to go home early. Ask Pitt.

I'm glad tomorrow is Thursday. I may want to skip class starting at 12:20 tomorrow. The whole country needs to shut down to witness the 2009 MADNESS. Good luck to all who are soon to throw their money away.

Return to reality

Well, I took a nice long break from blogging. Last week was spring break, and my professors jumped all over my ass because they needed an assignment or two. I'll take my damn time.

However, I did not quit--it was that a break from everything was required. Posting should return to its normal pace in the coming days.

In the meantime, enjoy this video of right-wing extremist Bill O'Reilly play a Nintendo classic:

The things that were

It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon. It's time to get away from Journalism 321 and kick off the shoes and socks and let that tease that is spring weather come right through my window.

What's stupid is that it is still February, and it feels like mid-March. It's basketball season, not baseball or football. No, I am still patient enough to wait to break it to my Cubbie friends that this year will make it 102 years of waiting. After a 3 hour nap and some good timing, it was close to ESPN360 time. When you can't provide your own TV, the laptop and the internets can be your next-to-best friend.

"Who's on tonight?" Listings say that Purdue and Michigan are facing off in Ann Arbor. Tensions rise easily because of the fact that it's Michigan. This was a good opportunity for me to see the Boilermakers advance toward a possible Big Ten regular season championship. Michigan, under the coaching of John Beilein, have proven to be a good team with flashes of greatness. Their victory over Duke in December was pretty exciting and gave many a newfound appreciation for Michigan basketball (The Fab 5 were awesome to watch growing up.)

Throw out that garbage. Purdue has 21 wins under their belt, and the Wolverines are fighting for an at-large spot at the Big Dance. The Boilers had a lead until near the 5 minute mark of the first half, and they never regained it. Michigan took complete control in the second half with the help of DeShawn Sims, who scored 29 points on the night. Once the final seconds ticked off of that scoreboard, it made me wonder how messed up the Big Ten really is.

What the hell happened?

You have teams like Michigan State losing at home to Penn State and Northwestern; you have Illinois posting 36 against Minnesota and 33 on Penn State for the entire game; and the brainy institution known as Northwestern is being considered as a 12 seed across some prognosticators' boards.

What?

Surely, you can't place Michigan State as high as ninth in either poll. That's a mistake. Friends and other guests are more than welcome to comment on this, but who here really thinks that any team from the Big Ten is going to advance to the Elite 8? Or even the Sweet 16 for that matter? The idea is ludicrous, and it's just not going to happen--just like a Cubs world championship isn't going to happen.

The bright side is that the Big Ten should be able to ship out a boat load of its members to the Madness. Michigan State, Illinois, Purdue, Ohio State and Penn State should be in. Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan have a small amount of time to do work with their resumes but strong finishes in the conference tournament would help their cause.

I miss seeing Big Ten like it used to be. Indiana, Purdue, Michigan, MSU, Wisconsin and Ohio State had some of the best teams I had ever seen in my life. Perhaps they will return to their true selves in a few years...

...or I'm just going to see them all lose to second and third-tier programs in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.

How to be a tool: Part 3

We have our own ways of expressing ourselves. Individualism is something we feel is necessary. We were told as young know-it-alls that we are "unique." Oh, there's a lot of unique people alright.

Through certain acts can some people be defined. We want to stand out amongst the crowd; we strive for attention. Many of the methods people choose are questionable, however.

What's a good way to show someone what's up? Hey, piercings are good.....on a girl. A stud isn't really too flashy, but for a dude, those big ass hoops that you are putting interest in makes one question the masculinity.

Piercings look awfully painful, and since I don't carry a second X-chromosome, I don't find it to be useful for anything. So what does that leave us with? Let's try to think of something that can be concealed...something that's a little more artsy. Something that has an equal amount of pain upon receiving the product. How can I make myself look more like a douche? Ah! A tattoo.

Nah, tattoos are OK. A few exceptions can be made. If you want to honor your fallen parents, sibling or best friend by having their image or initials associated with a Christian symbol--fine. That's good. Bible verses are cool too, but there are those that get carried away and want to have the entire book of Psalms inscribed on their body. Good luck.

The real heroes are the ones who have stupid ass, meaningless and irrelevant symbols and images someplace on their body. I mean, what the hell? Man, if this was all it took for me to be cool, I would have signed up a long time ago. This is what I've been missing out on for the last 21 years:

Damn. This is genius. How is it that I never thought of this before? Having the qualities of hot dogs, ketchup and mustard was something I always wanted to profess! Hot women will flock to me and ask, "So...you taste like Nathan's Hot Dogs or what?" Wrong, sweet cheeks; better.

If I wanted to look "gangsta," I would have struck myself silly with a crowbar. I have no desires to look like an asshole, even though the overwhelming majority dresses in a way to remind me that I'm just a little bitch. Right. Get an education first, form complete sentences and use real words so that I don't have to place you in a lower class. Your gun tattoo has already tainted your image and reputation--you're not frightening. Oh, you really do have a gun? On you? All strapped in? Bad news: So do I, and I'm crazier than you.

So what else could you get a tattoo of to be included in this "elite" list?

- Japanese cartoon characters
- Famous sports figures
- Fictional characters from famous movies.
- Spouse image (still alive)
- Girlfriend image (you're just dating after a few months)
- Foreign symbols that mean somethi--

I'm just going to stop right there at foreign symbols. What...the HELL...does it mean...when I see a picture of Asian calligraphy on your shoulder? When I play basketball at school, I see some sort of Chinese character on someone's chest when I'm guarding them. I'm fearful, because I don't know if I should expect for the person to yell something in Chinese, Japanese or Korean. I'm prepared for when they switch the 'L' and 'R' around, though. They also seem to be the threatening type, making up stories that they know Jiu-Jitsu. An elbow to the groin will settle that.

I'm not that quick to judge, but I know gang symbols and other associations when I see them. Come visit northwest Indiana and Chicago sometime. Anyways, when you include yourself in such an exlcusive group, you tell me many things: You do some things you really don't want to do. You are a coward. You are the boss' tool...and no, you don't get "dat stacka' paper!"

Tattoos get you attention, mainly unwanted attention. As judgmental as this sounds, you'll be surprised by how many people look down on you for the $200 pen and ink job that has the potential of becoming a waste. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Also, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship break ups are as common as corn fields here in the Midwest. Even if you do get hitched, piss your money away on something else, like a meth lab. You'll both feel really, really good for cheap.