Early Projections of The Madness (1/29)

After closely monitoring last night's games, I had no choice but to think "Wow, so nobody wants to be #1." Last night was yet another disaster for most ranked teams. #4 Wake Forest stood their own ground in Winston-Salem last night, defeating Duke with an in-bounds play to knock off the Blue Devils 70-68. It was definitely a thriller, in case you missed out.

In other news, #15 Syracuse lost. So did #3 Pittsburgh. And so did #23 Georgetown. This definitely shakes up the picture for March, but I'm going to take a stab at my projections with the seedings.

EAST (Boston bracket)
1 Duke vs. 16 Austin Peay
8 Tennessee vs. 9 Davidson
5 Illinois vs. 12 Notre Dame
4 UCLA vs. 13 Northern Iowa
6 Syracuse vs. 11 LSU
3 Clemson vs. 14 Navy
7 Purdue vs. 10 Oklahoma State
2 Xavier vs. 15 Cornell

MIDWEST (Indianapolis bracket)
1 North Carolina vs. 16 Stephen F. Austin
8 Boston College vs. 9 Minnesota
5 Arizona State vs. 12 Utah State
4 Villanova vs. 13 Buffalo
6 California vs. 11 Baylor
3 Michigan State vs. 14 North Dakota State
7 Missouri vs. 10 Cincinnati
2 Marquette vs. 15 East Tennessee State

SOUTH (Memphis bracket)
1 Oklahoma vs. 16 Morgan State/Alabama State
8 Washington vs. 9 UNLV
5 Virginia Tech vs. 12 Texas A&M
4 Memphis vs. 13 Vermont
6 Gonzaga vs. 11 Penn State
3 Butler vs. 14 VMI
7 Florida State vs. 10 Siena
2 Pittsburgh vs. 15 Texas A&M-Corpus Christi

WEST (Phoenix bracket)
1 Connecticut vs. 16 Robert Morris
8 St. Mary's vs. 9 Utah
5 Kentucky vs. 12 Providence
4 Kansas vs. 13 Western Kentucky
6 Miami (FL) vs. 11 Dayton
3 Florida vs. 14 Virginia Commonwealth
7 West Virginia vs. 10 Mississippi State
2 Louisville vs. 15 Portland State

The World is Going to Hell in a Handbasket

It's OK. No one is watching...especially your children.

We're finally reaching that point...the point that we all feared of. It's been an ongoing process for years and years, but it doesn't cycle around this time.

Hey, we voted Democrat this year, didn't we? This should solve ALL of our problems. It worked in the past for the Clinton administration! Slash spending, increase taxes, get more moolah in the budget and produce more jobs! See, everything was just PERFECT between the years of 1993 and 2000. We were so good, we let some of the most wanted terrorists go while we had a firm grip on them!

OK, enough of the right-wing crap...and the sarcasm. We are in big trouble in case you haven't noticed, ladies and gentlemen. If it wasn't an issue in the past, it sure as hell is now. Monday is being dubbed as "Bloody Monday" for the massacring of the employed. In just one big swoop, it seemed like everything was imploding:

- It's lights out for Circuit City.
- Phizer could 'phinally' give in to the drug cartels.
- Caterpillar being eaten by 'larger birds.'
- Alcoa succumbs to symptoms similar to alcohol poisoning.
- Sprint Nextel has achilles snap, lets go of race and employees.
- TDK gets TKO'd
- Home Depot soon becomes official resting place for migrant workers.
- ING takes beatING.
- Intel not intelligent enough to increase revenue.
- Microsoft becoming "micro" and "soft."
- Texas Instruments can't calculate total amount of losses, damage.
- John Deere fading from green and gold to rust...

...and that was just for Monday.

Today, they announced that more than 11,000 jobs are being cut, on top of the 70,000+ jobs lost yesterday. Target plans on releasing 1,500 employees, which also affects the headquarters in Minneapolis, Minn. For those who don't know, Target is #2 behind Wal-Mart in retail outlets. (For those that already know about Target, you already know that Wal-Mart sucks in comparison) Regardless, this isn't good. I love Target.

Corning, known for high-tech glass and ceramics is nearing the point of folding shop as they plan on letting go 3,500 employees by the end of the year. Cutting 13% of the company's work force sucks. Even a local group--the Navistar plant out of Indianapolis is shutting their doors, barring 700 employees from what was a solid wage. This can't be happening...say it ain't so!

It's happening. It's real. In fact, people are being...well, too real about it.

One nice little family story can be found here.

You don't...do...these...things. The children have caused many problems throughout their parents' lives, yes, but they didn't lose your job for you. It can be agreed upon, however, that they are the cause of you losing your mind. In all seriousness, this is a tragedy. This is only the second time within a two month span that one man chose to blast his whole family, then turning the gun on himself. Sad.

I don't plan on jumping off of a cliff anytime soon, but that doesn't mean anybody should be over-looking a nice rocky bottom right now. This ship better be turned around soon, or by God, I will hope for 2012 to happen. 12/21/12--bring it.

Non-Giants fans: "Don't be an Asshole."

The Week in Review: Photos

"Tell me what's wrong, son." "I suck!!!"

[sigh]

"Why? Why can't we win in Austin?"

O'Neal: "I got yo face."
Thomas: "I got yo fans."

"Hey! We're ranked! Where's Tennessee?"

"DERRRRRRRRRR!!!"

"Could you get your thumb out of my ass, please? Thanks."

"Oh no...I can't win at anything."

"Hey Calipari, screw the polls. Let me know when you win A CHAMPIONSHIP!"

EMBARRASSING.

I'd be sad over 41-point loss, too.

If you've glued your hands to your chair, which is glued to the floor, with the TV station fixed on ESPN, then you've seen how much of a disaster college basketball has been. For those who are boring and have no interest, allow me to bring you up-to-date:

Last Wednesday, another #1 team fell to the hands of a second-tier conference rival. Wake Forest was aimed to keep a perfect season when they hosted Virginia Tech. The Hokies aren't too terrible at basketball, they've knocked off teams like Duke and North Carolina in the last three seasons, and they've been making their tournament appearances (even if they bow out early to crap teams.)

Carrying the same attitude in previous games when they play spoiler: The Hokies just didn't give a damn. Their defense held, the offense scored when they needed to, and they got more than 10,000 people in black and gold to shut up. Wake Forest's dream of finishing the season undefeated and number one lasted one week (however, such dreams should only last a week.) It was embarrassing to see. Good for the Hokies--They're trying to not suck. Not good for the ACC or number one's in general. Nothing is safe.

The same thing went for perennial Big Ten leader Michigan State, who appeared to be the only member of the conference worth watching this season. On the same night that Wake Forest quit basketball, Northwestern paid a visit to the Breslin Center in East Lansing. If you're not that familiar with Wildcat sports, they don't seem to care much for winning. The only thing they want to win are multi-million dollar grants and the top spot in the U.S. News and World Report rankings for best school. Wednesday night was one of those nights that NU student-athletes said "F the Quantum Physics exam" and decided to play. The Wildcats went into one of the toughest places to play in the nation and beat then-#7 Michigan State by seven.

Seven must be the lucky number, right? Could Maryland start the crazy weekend and upset second-ranked Duke by such a margin?

Hell no.

The Terrapins got trucked. Manhandled. Raped. Maimed. Embarrassed. What a disastershow it was at Cameron Indoor Stadium today. When I had first awoken, I read the scoreboard feed, only to see

(In the second half:)
Duke 60
Maryland 20

Umm...why? Who pissed Duke off? Michigan? It's understandable if that was the case, but in all seriousness, Maryland looked like they belong the MAC or the Patriot League. The final score was 85-44 in favor of the Blue Devils, but it was just embarrassing to see such garbage on my television set.

Here, I was thinking this weekend was going to be a great one for sports fans. It's exciting, yes, but the majority of these games have been a waste of time for me and many fans (See: Michigan State, Wake Forest) I just hope Notre Dame decides to show up tonight against Connecticut since this is the last day that they'll keep their home court win streak. I hope the months of February and March show up to be a little kinder.

So that's how it's going to be, huh?

Obama (seated) signs the death warrant for all of us, with the approval of the white-hairs.

Is that how it's going to be, Mr. President?

As expected, the 44th President of the United States' first business was to sign a piece of paper. That's great. One down, thousands more to go if we're going to get the change "we need." The first piece of legislation was a big deal though, which ordered the complete shutdown of the prison at Guatanamo Bay, the last stronghold of the U.S. in the nice, happy people's republic of Cuba.

Let's think about this for a moment: Guantanamo Bay has kept a number of terrorists...well, at bay. Some have been proven to be not guilty for any wrongdoing. They were rightfully released, but the same story does not apply to all of the inmates. There are still those who admitted to plotting the September 11 attacks. The very people who assisted in putting together the single-worst terrorist attack in history are about to get away.

Yes, that's right. Get away. Freedom. For them.

"No more torture from the U.S." This is what Obama is promising to the Muslim world. I do not disagree with the concept. I embrace the idea that we should love one another, even our enemies. But, in releasing these prisoners and members of a number of terrorist organizations, are we doing everyone justice? Is this our way of improving our relations with the Middle East?

I just don't know. I can't say anything because I haven't seen anything too negative. No one has.

Yet.

Upon reading today's story on the Clinton News Network, the former inmates have reportedly returned to "the battlefield." When a story is put in those words under those circumstances...that honestly concerns the hell out of me. I refuse to jump off of the deep end and say, "Obama's a terrorist! He's going to run the country into the ground! Everything is going to hell in a handbasket!" I'm not that far right-winged but I don't lean left, either.

I don't want there to be another terrorist attack in my country. Enough blood has been shed, as well as enough tears--BOTH SIDES. If I wake up one morning to see that Chicago's Sears Tower has been attacked, and if the people who are about to be released are on the plane or flip the switch--it's going to be very difficult to forgive a man whom millions have had hope inspired because of his eloquent speaking.

We certainly are the people who roll the dice on a daily basis. Things have gone against us in recent times, but our gambles have sometimes paid off. Let's just hope they were right this time.

OH NOES!!!

"Yes? I need to put in a hit on my replacement, address 4298 North..."

Plaxico Burress, now released by the New York Giants, was replaced by another receiver after an off-field incident that was the result of a dumbass attack. The dumbass attack? Shooting yourself in the leg. Taye Biddle from Ole Miss was signed by the Giants to be Plax's replacement.

Though Plax may not be the sole reason for the Giants' early postseason exit, his replacement sure as hell was supposed to get them somewhere. But, since no one ever heard of the name Taye Biddle (except in Oxford, Mississippi), he was doomed to not amount to anything. It's all in the history books--if no one has ever heard of you, you will go nowhere. This is taught at most schools nationwide.

Some of you may remember Burress' incident where he shot himself in the leg. Little did any of us know that this could happen again...on the same team...in the leg...Plax's replacement. He didn't shoot himself, no, but the fact remains that a gun and a leg were involved in the same place at the same time.

This is irony at its finest. Speedy recovery for Mr. Biddle (which makes me want to make random references to Austin Powers) and hopefully his replacement wears body armor for the lower half of his body everywhere he goes. Everyone knows that the gunmen never goes for the chest when they get in a gunfight.

How to be a tool: Part 2 (Sports Fanatic)

Tips on how to be a tool is part of an on-going series that will be posted here throughout, and will perhaps give you a glimpse of what my first book will be about. Today's lesson involves people tooling themselves when it comes to their favorite sports teams.

Times come again and again when you have been wanting to put that jersey you've had in your closet during the three to five months of the off-season. You feel rejuvenated. There is something in the air...you just know that this year is going to be your year. It's just an awesome feeling when that first day of either equinox arrives--the weather's perfect, and now is the time to go all out and show your loyalty.

"Yeah, body paint's good. Oh, you're gonna paint your...wait, no...why?"

"No, please, no. Don't cry. It's only going to run the paint...don't cry, there's no need to."

"Oh, but what the hell is that on your head? Is that supposed to be something?"

"Why don't you just go home and lay down, then. You look like a disaster."

People have just taken it too far these days. They want to show others how tough their favorite team is by wearing spiked shoulder pads and fake crazy hair. They wear a jersey with the entire team's signatures on it...which is silly, because all that 'valuable ink' would only fade. They're just adding an additional 10-15 lbs worth of crap to show that they're the ultimate fan. Some are aware that there is no prize in "best dressed," but a crap ton of others believe otherwise, and will dispute verbally over such a title.

To examine a sports fan "tool," let's dissect this for a moment:



Replica Ohio State jersey...check.
That's all you need, really. Now for the other accessories...

Spiked shoulder pads...check.
Sweatband though you will not sweat one drop tonight...check.
Sign for everyone can see...check.
Mocking a rival that's better than you...check.
Crazy red and white hair...check.
Poor spelling for everyone to see...check.

This guy has completely lost it. He looks to be in his 40's, and it looks like schooling came to an end somewhere in his mid-teen's. I'm curious to know if he was employed at the time this photo was taken. Anyways, why would you want to do this to yourself, especially if your team can't step up in any of the big bowl games? You're only over-doing it for...well, nothing. Way to make yourself look like an ass.

Let's take another look at another fan:



Sweet specs...check.
Jaguar replica jersey...check.
Foam Jaguar paw on head...check.
Sweet 'stache...check.
Pom pom tied to your hair...check.

This is just becoming...sad. Once again, a poor delusional fan who has fallen into the trap of cheering for a second-tier team and "going the distance." Oh, he went the distance alright...went the distance from being a normal Jacksonville fan to being a tool box. What's worse is that this picture is posted all over the internets for me to find.

So far, so good, right? I'm just basically showing you how you shouldn't be going about yourself with people. However, there is one more breed of fan that I have yet to mention: The fan who cheers for the inevitable. They are the most dedicated of fans, and will cheer for their team, win or lose. See, this is respectable. You want to stick with your team to the very end instead of being a real tool and cheer for the front-runner teams. Fair-weather fans suck, and these fans know about that best.

When it comes to cheering for a team, do you really want to find yourself cheering for a team that doesn't know what it's like to win a championship? Do you really want to cheer for a team that has gone an entire century without winning a World Series? These people people invest all they have into these teams in hope that some day, their day will come. For others, they know that it's just not going to happen. A pat on the back and a soft chuckle is the only thing we can offer to these poor saps. Their team's constant flops often result in this:



If you know that this is going to happen, then why bother dealing with the tragedies afterwards? There's nothing worse then talking up about your favorite team winning a championship when they have gone 100 years without doing so. As for this sad girl in the pic above, I can only say what Tom Hanks ever said to women about baseball: "Are you crying? Don't cry...there's no crying in baseball!"

Today, you have seen the many truths about sports fanatics. People are getting better at making themselves look like tools without ever knowing any of the consequences. Stay tuned next time for part 3 of this series: Tattoos.

PREVIEW: The Arizona Cardinals (11-7)

Behold: 20+ guaranteed fantasy points.

What a remarkable season it has been for the Arizona Cardinals. For a while, they were the bottom of the league, hanging out with the deformed and crippled teams, such as Detroit, Cincinnati, and Cleveland. In the past, they could always be relied on in the last week of the regular season if they were 3-12 going against an 8-8 team with playoff hopes. Arizona came into existence because they crush hopes and dreams.

This season, they're the playoff contenders. So far, no one else has been playing as the underdog to knock these guys out. They have an old man taking snaps behind the center, and this is the best he's looked since the 1999 Super Bowl. Of course, I'm talking about Kurt Warner; the one true underdog.

He was bagging groceries after the Green Bay Packers first signed him, then told him to bugger off. Now, after given another chance by the St. Louis Rams, Warner has one championship under his belt, along with a number of other awards. Working through so many arena league and Canadian football teams, he has worked his way to the top. Completing 67% of his passes for over 4,500 yards, the Arizona Cardinals have never looked so dangerous before.

The ground game includes a Hall Of Fame hopeful, and a rookie at halfback. Edgerrin James was a star for the Indianapolis Colts in the early 2000's, but he was traded to Arizona two years ago after they decided to draft a new running back. Marshall Faulk, former teammate of Warner, can empathize with that. James doesn't pile up the stats like he used to, and he has recently asked to be traded away if his job only consisted that of an offensive lineman. Rookie Tim Hightower out of the University of Richmond has been getting the touchdowns instead of Edge this season. Only rushing for 399 yards, Hightower was able to reach the end zone 10 times during the regular season.

Also, if you have yet to fly with United Fitzgerald or Boldin Airways:





That's all you need to know, really.

Fitzgerald: 96 receptions, 1,431 yards, 12 touchdowns
Boldin: 89 receptions, 1,038 yards, 11 touchdowns

Compared to the other three teams, Arizona has the worst defense:

POINTS ALLOWED: 26.6 per game (28th)
TOTAL YARDS ALLOWED: 331.5 per game (19th)
PASSING YARDS ALLOWED: 221.2 per game (22nd)
RUSHING YARDS ALLOWED: 110.2 per game (16th)

Yuck. There's no wonder that they lost seven games this season, but they locked up the division early in the season, so there was no need to stretch things out and go for the number one seed in the NFC. Despite those numbers, they have a strong defense, and can't shut down offenses at will. They have already taken care of Atlanta and Carolina, so there is no reason why they shouldn't be prepared for Philadelphia on Sunday. Also, watch out for this guy--Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. He's a rook, and even though he comes from Tennessee State, he has the talent of that his cousin, Antonio Cromartie of the San Diego Chargers. He is a late-arrival as far as playing time and positioning, but he is playing like a stud.

Tomorrow, I will post my predictions for both the AFC and NFC Championships. In the meantime, enjoy your weekend full of college hoops and such. Syracuse, if you can read this:

I hate you.

Real Talk with the Krod: Vol.1 Issue 1

"Dude, check this out: This is when Adam fell down on his face in the snow in his driveway."
"Ha ha! Nice! Check out this fort I made with the snow in the front yard!"
"Ha, that's cool."
[third person comes in]
"Gentlemen...what's the word?"
"Oh, hey man! Nothin' we're just basically showing pics of winter."
"Yeah? That's boring. Well, I think I can top that. You know Betsy, right?"
[both say]: "Yeah."
[hands phone over]
"Dude, how did you get that?"
"What can I say, I'm a lucky fella."
"I knew she was hot...but, man!"
"Yeah, I know. Everybody keeps trading them around."

It's interesting, isn't it? Isn't it amazing how things evolve when we grow up and out of elementary school? There's always seems to be a craze. In my generation, whatever was popular, everybody had to be a part of it. For example, everyone was involved in Power Rangers (even the girls!) At my old school, we used to trade around certain vehicles (or Zords, which is what they were called then) and the figures themselves. It did not take long for the Power Rangers to fizzle out when they finally came out with their 12th different version in a span of five years.

Everyone had their own niche. Kids traded sports cards with each other. We borrowed really sweet Super Nintendo games from each other. Once that fazed out, we turned to playing card games. I don't mean your typical poker, solitaire, blackjack, rummy, or Tripoli. No, we had this new thing called "Pokemon," short for pocket monsters. Lord knows how much money was pissed away on those things. But, the kid that used to be in us is now long gone. We still hold on to some things such as old video games, baseball cards, and some action figures. Some of those things actually hold value, now. Old action figures that used to cost us $11 at Target are now worth $150 or more to others, 10-20 years later.

However, today's generations of young teens have something else to be trading around: Pictures of themselves.

No, these are not your own personal trading card you designed yourself. This isn't from the help any professional photographers. These are amateurs, and they are mainly taking nude pictures of themselves with their cell phones. You would be surprised to know how many teenagers in middle and high schools are using their phones as portable porn devices.

Research conducted by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy last month revealed that 20 percent of teens in the States say they have sent or posted lewd photos or video of themselves.

According to the national study, most teenagers who were sending the explicit messages were sending them to boyfriends or girlfriends, while others said they were sending the pictures in a bold move to secure a date, or to someone they had got to know online.

It's the craze! Ridiculous and wrong, this is what is has come down to now. While this is slowly becoming 'Kids Gone Wild,' there have been a series of arrests made in the last year, especially this week alone.

On Monday, six high school students in Greensburgh, Pennsylvania were arrested on child pornography charges. Three were girls who allegedly took pictures of themselves, and were charged with manufacturing, disseminating or possessing child pornography. Three were boys from the same school who were found with explicit photos on their mobile phones by police, and were charged with possession of child pornography.

Last year, in Goshen, Ohio a 19-year-old cheerleading coach was convicted of indecency charges after taking a topless photo of herself and a 15-year-old girl.

While in Texas, a 13-year-old boy was arrested on child pornography charges in October, after receiving a nude photo of a fellow student on his mobile phone.

In an interview with the Cincinnati Enquirer, Jim Brown, a school resource officer at Glen Este High School, thinks that it would be no surprise in how many students carry such pictures on their phone.

"If I were to go through the cell phones in this building right now of 1,500 students, I would venture to say that half or two-thirds have indecent photos, either of themselves or somebody else in school."

The study also showed that 44 percent of teens say it's common for sexually explicit images and text messages to be shared with people other than the intended recipient. I can guarantee you that my skankalicious alma mater at Huntington North High School would see the same numbers, if not, more.

There is an official term for this, and it is known as 'sexting.'

It's finally happening. This is real. Parents are becoming more laid-back and less responsible for their children's acts and behavior. While most teenagers make the least intelligible decisions, it would be the ones who own the pictures who would land in the most trouble. It's called child pornography. You can have yourself registered as a sex offender at such an early age. Before you begin your adult life, you would be risking your reputation (although, I don't think anyone gives a damn anymore) as your face would be etched alongside of those who are really into kiddie porn. Talk about being in such good company, huh?

Many of you think that this should concern me because I am only 21 years old and a college student. I do not have any kids, I am unwed. Despite that, I would expect for my kids to know better than to expose themselves publicly in such a lewd manner.

The message is simple: Be smart. As we go through the generations, we collect and traded things that hold some worth. As the next generations come through, they will be holding something else that holds a different value--time in confinement, and owing money that they don't really have.

Why the NBA is no longer valid

Editor's Note: Today, we have a guest speaker at McGahee's Knee. He is an all out Pittsburgh fan, which means he includes Duquesne University into his T-Mobile's 'Fave 5.' A friend and former colleague, he is best known for his wit. As much as he would like to move to Pittsburgh, he is stuck in Indiana, where everything for the most part is lame. He writes to McGahee's knee after watching a 'simple' game of basketball. Today, I present to you: Eric.


Personally, last night was the last time I think I will ever watch the NBA. Before I was getting ready for bed, I flipped it to channel 206, which is ESPN for those that don't have Direct TV (which anyone that knows me I watch ESPN quite a bit). The Spurs and the Lakers were playing so I figured there was three minutes left so I would watch the end of this game. The game was played well so it was a tight and enjoyable game. Then, with 10 seconds left to go in the game, I remembered why I haven't been watching the NBA. Kobe Byrant hit a clutch three over Roger Mason Jr. and it was a beautiful clutch shot but his reaction to the crowd (and kids who have court side seats) disgusted me. He moved over to the bench while gesturing a gesture I shall not repeat or even explain. What makes this even worse is now in a day in age where we have an African-American president-elect, the media, ESPN, or the internet (google) won't show you the picture because Kobe is an inspiration to many young African-Americans and it is not politically correct. This is why the NBA's ratings are so low. Ron Artest, Ben Wallace, Kobe Byrant, Stephen Jackson's are destroying the league. The days of great men like David Robinson are over, the days of thugs and men who aren't really men are upon us and I, for one, am done. No matter what happens during the NFL season, I won't watch the NBA. I will watch IU struggle to win, the great Pitt Panthers, and watch the Penguins continue to lose. But that is another story for another time. I can no longer continue to justify the NBA for being a valid program for me, the youth of America, and any taxpaying man or woman in this country.


Kobe (I can get out of any criminal charge) Bryant

PREVIEW: The Philadelphia Eagles (11-6-1)

Ugly. I don't think you can find a better word to describe their season. Despite the image of their is that of a pock-faced, Proactiv needing and unkempt person, they were able to reach the playoffs this season. Who should they be thanking for their sixth spot in the National Football Conference's spot? The Cincinnati Bengals. That 13-13 deadlock ultimately turned out to be the factor that left Philadelphia in the playoff position.

Donovan McNabb, Philadelphia's town idiot, made this infamous statement on the current NFL rulebook:

"I've never been a part of a tie. I never even knew that was in the rule book," he said after the game. "It's part of the rules, and we have to go with it." The NFL's overtime rule was adopted in 1974, and 17 games have since ended tied. I guess we're aware of it now," McNabb said. "... I hate to see what would happen in the Super Bowl and in the playoffs."

There you have it. Mind-blowing, is it not? He's Philly's fearless leader. With the high magnitude of dumbassery, McNabb has shown true leadership this season as he was able to bounce back from his idiocy and led his offense to a great post-season run.

McNabb has thrown for over 4,000 yards this season, along with 23 touchdowns and 11 interceptions. His QB rating is sub-par, but his numbers and the last several games spoke loudly to make his case. It is the first time he has started all 16 games since the 2003 season, when the Eagles made their Super Bowl run against the New England Patriots.

Running back Brian Westbrook looks to be in good shape once again, but he fell short of having a 1,000 yard regular season in rushing. Scoring nine times this season, Westbrook looks to have another good run at the Super Bowl. If not at all, this could be his best shot at winning a championship. Do not forget that their other back, Correll Buckhalter, has been able to get a couple of scores in as well.

Rookie DeSean Jackson, a California product, made quite the statement. 62 catches for 912 yards makes him look like a stud. Despite having only two touchdowns on the season and making a really...REALLY bad bone-headed play, this kid sure has some speed. This definitely was not a waste of a draft pick for Philadelphia. He is a great asset to the team, and he will continue to work hard; day in, and day out.

Philadelphia's defense has looked strong at some points...they've been inconsistent in comparison to the likes of Baltimore and Pittsburgh:

POINTS ALLOWED: 26.0 per game (6th best)
TOTAL YARDS ALLOWED: 350.5 per game (9th best)
PASSING YARDS ALLOWED: 244.4 per game (6th best)
RUSHING YARDS ALLOWED: 106.1 per game (22nd best)

The whole rushing yards thing isn't looking too good. Arizona will try to get the ground game going with Edgerrin James, Tim Hightower and J.J. Arrington before they look to go through the air to Larry Fitzgerald and a now-healthier Anquan Boldin. They've been able to shut down the Giants' run game in the Meadowlands (which is impressive) however.

Do not be shocked if Philadelphia's special teams show up. They've got speed in Jackson and fellow rookie Quentin Demps out of Texas-El Paso. All that needs to be said is that Demps is good:



I'd be excited as Gus Johnson (announcer) too.

Tips on how to be a tool: Part 1

Tips on how to be a tool is going to be a part of an on-going series that will be posted throughout the year and possibly beyond. This is going to be a possibility of a premise to write my first book on, one that is aimed toward humor. Should anyone be offended by the words that are about to be said, learn to nut up.

Have you ever woke up on some random morning, look in the mirror and say, "Damn, I'm that good looking"? Have you ever wanted to flaunt your body to the public? Do you just have that urge to tell yourself, "I'm going to bring a girl home tonight"? There's good news: You can take your self-image with you, along with your ego, and exploit yourself in a way you never thought would be possible.

Don't fall under the impression that because you're not skinny, you won't find love.


See? We're all capable of making it.

Today, many young and middle-aged adults are single and are in search of a good partner. They find themselves struggling in seeking a relationship with someone, so in order to keep themselves afloat, they must post half-nude pictures of themselves online to look appealing to others.

Here is the step-by-step process on how to accomplish the "tooling" of your social profile:

1: Have camera ready, whether it is digital or from your cell phone.

2: Find mirror, or find a friend (if you swing that way, too) to help with the picture you want taken.

3: Remove clothes above the waist.

4: Shoot it.

and presto!


Exhibit A: Tool belt.

1,000 points on the tool-o-meter. Remember that your aim is to get some positive feedback.

Should you get any "HOTT," "SEXY," or "YUMMY" comments, that means that the trick is working. You'll feel overly confident about you and your personal state of being. Having the feeling that you have the power to lure women in large numbers will make you feel invincible. People would ask who the hell Ron Jeremy or Wilt Chamberlain is once photos of yourself are discovered.

If there is one thing you should be careful with, it's that you don't really know who is all looking at your profile. If you are a heterosexual, watch out, becuase someone from "the other team" may be scouting you. The best possible solution would be to set your profile to private (which would make things better because you're playing 'tough to get' from the girls.)

The Reality:
If you wonder why no one wants to go out with you, then there's probably a good reason why they don't want to. Women are not stupid, and they don't always belong in the kitchen like you may think. Having an asshole-type personality is bad news for the long run, and the only friends you do have are fellow assholes.

Half-naked pictures of yourself do not do you any good other than telling the world how big of a waste and tool shed you are. Yeah, you might work out on a daily basis and try to show off your muskles, but you're only hurting your vision in others' eyes. If all else fails, you could fall in love with yourself and be a total douche rocket.

Stay tuned for Tips Part 2: Sports Fanatic in the future here at The worst blog in the Universe.

Goodbye, Nate. We're really going to miss you.

Say it ain't so....say it ain't so!

Nate Davis, worshiped as an idol and false prophet here at Ball State University, has declared himself eligible for the NFL Draft this upcoming spring.

Davis shared the starting position since his freshman year, and since then he has earned the top spot up until this point. Throwing for 9,233 yards and 74 touchdowns in his career, Davis will go down as the greatest quarterback Ball State has ever seen. Davis is a class act, and though he has a learning disability, he should be able to do just fine at the next level.

His QB rating of 156.97 places him at 13th-best in the nation among all other quarterbacks. Throwing just eight interceptions in his last year, he can at least show that he might not be another Brett Favre.

The only thing found to be shaky is his performances at key games. Fighting the flu against Buffalo in the MAC Championship, Davis wasn't so hot as he forced as many turnovers as Jake Delhomme this past weekend against Arizona. Directing the Cardinals to just 13 points in a 45-13 massacre in their bowl loss to Tulsa didn't help much, either.

It's scary. You know he's good, and you want to root for him, but is he ready?

"I know what I'm about to do won't be easy," Davis said in a statement. "But it's what my heart and head want to do at this time. It's the right thing for me and my family at this time."

If his word is good, I'll take it as good. Best of luck, and Godspeed to you, Nate. You've been a blessing to us all here in Muncie.

PREVIEW: The Pittsburgh Steelers (13-4)

The Steel City. Pittsburgh. Home of the Penguins, Pirates, and other third-rate franchises out there. They are better known as Shitsburgh. Psycho-ass fans waving piss yellow towels isn't exactly something that you want to be known for. "Oh, but it looks cool when we all do it unison." No, it doesn't, asswipe. You are hated. You are hated by many. Should one ever attend a football game where the Steelers are playing, take that towel and wipe yourself. YES, I mean W I P E Y O U R S E L F. This could mean crevasses, sweat, fecal matter, urine...all of that good stuff.

Now that you have an idea of how big of an asshole Shitsburgh really is, let's go through a rundown of the Steelers' post-season run:

Once again, Pittsburgh reigns as champions of the American Football Conference's North Division. Their 12-4 regular season finish could not have been done without the help of Ben Roethlisberger, Willie Parker, Mewelde Moore, Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, their defense, and the help of poor officiating.

Worthlessberger, signal caller for the Steelers, has had yet another mediocre season. Throwing for 3,301 yards, 17 touchdowns, and 15 picks, 'Big Ben' is looking to become the next Brett Favre in throwing a large amount of interceptions and leading squads to one Super Bowl victory with a great amount of heartbreaking playoff losses.

Parker does not have a whole to boast about this season due to sustaining silly injuries. He averages under four yards per carry, and he has only reached the end zone five times. After stepping into a small divot on the practice turf, head coach Mike Tomlin had to call on Mewelde Moore, who had previously been shelved by the Minnesota Vikings after they acquired Chester Taylor. While thinking that Minnesota sucks, Moore has 588 yards rushing with five touchdowns, which isn't bad since he had to fill in at starter in just four games. It's nice knowing that you have depth at the running back position.

The receiving corps isn't too shabby...in fact, some of the circus grabs they've been able to pull off this season saved Toothlessberger's ass down the stretch. That being said, they had to make the circus grabs because "Big Suck" isn't that accurate of a passer. Hines Ward leads the team in receiving yards and touchdowns, while Santonio Holmes and Nate Washington from widdle Tiffin College have a combined 1,452 yards in receiving. Oh, and that Heath Miller guy hasn't been bad, either.

Now...about their defense.



They're mean as Baltimore. No, scratch that. They're BETTER than Baltimore's defense:

POINTS ALLOWED: 13.9 per game (BEST)
YARDS ALLOWED: 237.2 per game (BEST)
PASSING YDS ALLOWED: 156.9 per game (BEST)
RUSHING YDS ALLOWED: 80.2 per game (2nd)

This is going to be a titanic clash of two great defenses on Sunday afternoon. It's really simple, but whoever's defense shows up, they will win the game. As big and badass as this game is going to be, do not be startled if your television screen is covered in yellow from those assclowns at Heinz Field.

PREVIEW: The Baltimore Ravens (13-5)

Behold, your 2008-09 Baltimore Ravens. The image includes the hero and the namesake of this very blog, Willis McGahee.

The Ravens entered the playoffs with a record of 11-5, and registered the sixth spot in the American Football Conference's bracket. They have been sporadic this season, as Joe Flacco was just a kid dumped off from Delaware, where his former team's nickname was the 'Blue Hens.' It's quite an upgrade to go from Blue Hens to Ravens, but at first, Flacco went into camp saying "I can throw a football farther than you can drive a golf ball."

There is no doubt that Flacco has a cannon, but the kid had zero control over it. In 13 of his games, including the playoffs, Flacco threw for under 200 yards, six of which he went under 150 yards. Most experts and coaches would look at those numbers on the stat sheets and throw up, but the kid has been able to get the job done many times this season.

Of course, there is more than one facet to an offense. Baltimore's running game has been exquisite, as some dude with the best first name in all of the NFL had a breakout season. His name? None other than Le'Ron McClain. McClain was born in Fort Wayne, Ind., which is a mere 10 minutes from my hometown. In his second year (well, first, if you want to count this season as a real season compared to last) McClain, an Alabama product, rushed for 902 yards on 232 carries. His 10 rushing touchdowns makes him look ridiculous for a fullback. Yes, a FREAKIN' fullback. Balls.

The Hero (McGahee) makes the Raven's rushing tandem look really good, as he rushed for 691 yards and ran into the end zone seven times, just to pretty up their rushing game. Establishing the run is definitely first on Baltimore's to-do list.

Derrick Mason, this year's winner for "Manliest Player of the Year" has another 1,000 yard receiving season. Running down the sidelines with a damned near-destroyed shoulder, has 1,037 yards on 80 catches, with five scores. He is a true weapon, but should he go down this weekend against Pittsburgh, the Ravens can look at other options, including Mark Clayton, Demetrius Williams, and Yamon Figurs (another sweet name) as aerial threats. Even though Flacco doesn't feel like throwing a perfect pass every now and then, whether it's overthrowing or underthrowing, he'll have his buddies there to carry the team down the field.

Baltimore's much vaunted defense, led by the likes of Ray Lewis and Ed Reed, has stopped many opposing offenses at the goal line, or simply on a fourth down play. Checking out the defense's stat sheet:

POINTS ALLOWED: 15.2 per game (3rd best)
TOTAL YDS ALLOWED: 261.1 per game (2nd best)
PASS YDS ALLOWED: 179.9 per game (2nd best)
RUSH YDS ALLOWED: 81.4 per game (3rd best)

Yes, you really should ask yourself, "Seriously?" Baltimore is that good on both sides of the ball, folks. Ed Reed has nine interceptions on the year, including three of them being returned for a touchdown. Ray Lewis is just flat mean. Well...just look!





Ladies and gentlemen, do not be surprised of the Pittsburgh Steelers get shut down on their home turf despite the fact that the Steeler's have had their number twice this season. It should be another colossal matchup. But for now, soak in what you now know of the Ravens...and evaluate whether or not you respect them. They certainly earned it this season.

It's over.

It's true. There is a higher calling in life than being a football coach. When you are the head coach and leader of a family also, it leaves you at a crossroad. Accomplishing a world championship is something special, but the true value of family in your life is so much greater.

Tony Dungy, who led the Indianapolis Colts to a Super Bowl 41 victory, has retired from coaching. He finally gets to go home. Like a player after a hard-fought game, Dungy left it all on the field. An all-around class act, he embraces all of his colleagues, as well as opposing coaches. He had done everything he could with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Colts. If you look at everything he has done, he was a very successful man.

It was absolutely heartbreaking when Dungy lost his son, James, to an apparent suicide. For a man who is so humble, and for one who loves his family, it would bring such an unbearable pain. He might not have left just because of the loss of his son, but perhaps it is the realization that family means more than football. Besides, at age 53, he now has time to watch his children grow up.

We have seen a lot from the man. His work outside of football showed us what quality of character he is. Indianapolis will miss Dungy. The state and its supporters will miss him. All of football will miss the man with quiet strength, as he rides off into the sunset with his loved ones.

Thank you for all that you have done, good sir.

Sentiments on North Carolina's second loss this season

PLAYOFFS?!

...don't talk about playoffs!

But, I'm going to. Fact.

So who honestly thought that the current playoff picture would include both six-seeds and both number one-seeds getting knocked out? I sure as hell did not. Many of us are still confused, as to why an eight win, eight loss team is kicking ass all over the place. It's just plain silly.

There are a lot of disappointed people out there, none more than the New York Giants and Carolina Panther fans. Seriously if you saw any of Saturday night's game against Arizona, when Larry Fitzgerald ripped their defense in half, you would have seen the look of a depressed man otherwise known as Jake Delhomme. It was his birthday that night, and having a five-interception game surely made him think about his career...oh, and it made him question his faith as well.



How can you not feel sad for the man? All was well in the season, but now...the pride of Charlotte was dealing with disaster. Arizona deserves all the credit, however. Edgerrin James, former Indianapolis Colt running back and current backfield runner for the Cardinals, has threatened to leave the team because he was not designed to block defensive lineman. Many of us saw what he was capable of doing with the Colts, and now that the Arizona coaches heard his battle cry, James hasn't looked as manly or run like a beast in three years. The stats say differently, but he runs like he is pissed off at the world. He wants it bad.

The man who remains clueless about the NFL rulebook is still in the hunt for a title, as the Philadelphia Eagles manhandled the New York Giants in fashion with a final score of 23-11. Now, many of you are scratching your heads thinking, "11? Seriously?" Both Philly's and New York's defenses showed up for the first half, but things are no longer the same as Usi Umenyiora is out with an injury and Michael Strahan retired. They no longer have that speed. They don't have that fight in them like they did in their Super Bowl season last year.

What's sad is that these Philadelphia folk, who are still rioting after the Phillies' World Series victory, feel as though they are the best. I believe my Cincinnati Bengals would like to have a word and ask how is it that the Eagles are only equally as good as them. We tied with you clowns. Not only that, but your offensive leader did not know that ties could exist. Is the 'tie rule' still dumb? Yes, but understand that you should not have to fear about it happening in the playoffs. The game keeps going until someone scores, therefore advancing into the next round.

Idiot.

The other sixth-seed, Baltimore, has a bit of a different story. Who knew anything about this Joe Flacco kid, other than that he played at Delaware and can throw a ball 74 yards in the air? They might have gotten smoked in the first half of the season, but when the team chemistry on offense started to click, there was little to no stopping them, unless you were the Pittsburgh Steelers. Running backs Le'Ron McClain and Willis McGahee had begun to run wild. Derrick Mason, star wide receiver for the Ravens, is playing with an injured shoulder and is still making one-handed grabs. When did Baltimore decide to have talent? I didn't see it coming. Oh, and this Ed Reed guy in Baltimore's secondary...he's good.

However, if there is one team who has Baltimore's number, it's Pittsburgh. The Steelers are looking like the team who went mad and destroyed everything in their paths--including Carson Palmer's knee, the Colts' dream season, Denver's home record, and the Seattle Seahawks' spirits. Willie Parker was just beginning to evolve, and one of my childhood heroes, Jerome Bettis (The Bus) finally got his ring. A bitter division rival they are, but after everything that happened, I just wanted the Bus to finally win a championship. With the help of Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, Heath Miller, and Nate Washington, Pittsburgh's offense is stacked under the leadership of Ben Roethlisberger. Their defense is just as strong as Baltimore's, with the Flying Samoan and the Steel Curtain on the line. This AFC Championship matchup could make for yet another wild night of football.

Later this week, I will give predictions to both conference championship games. In the meantime, I am going to see if Satan (North Carolina) will lose to Wake Forest.

Gators crowned champions; Utah crowning selves champions

Tim Tebow looked like a man out there last night in Miami. He showed Sam Bradford and the Oklahoma Sooners why he won the Heisman Trophy a couple of years ago. Nevertheless, with the help of Percy Harvin and the Florida Gator defense, they earned their third national championship after defeating the Sooners 24-14 in Pro Player Stadium.

After the game was over, Utah head coach Kyle Whittingham spat at his television, landing the saliva and mucus cluster on Florida head coach Urban Meyer's face.

Utah feels that they are not getting enough attention and that they deserve more after finishing a perfect season. 13 wins, no losses. The Utes manhandled Alabama in the Sugar Bowl, proving once again as mid-majors that they stand tall. However, with an impeccable record and a troubled Bowl Championship Series system, Whittingham was upset.

As a coach and member of the AFCA, each member is to vote the winner of the championship game as the best team in the nation. Whittingham considered, while knowing the consequences, and voted for his squad to be number one. This violates the AFCA guidelines, and it is possible that he may be reprimanded. Though one group says he is wrong, should we agree to that?

I don't think he is doing anything dumb, but it was up to the voters and what name your team is. If it is not Oklahoma, Penn State, Ohio State, Texas, or USC, then there is a great chance that you won't play for a title. You might get recognized for your efforts, but you won't get that awesome crystal ball.

After the first wave of bitching, Utah lands the number two spot. Hey, I'd be proud of that unless I have Ricky Bobby's father's mentality in that 'if you're not first, you're last.' Now, the Utes are getting help from the state's attorney general. Mmm, legal issues. Won't get you anywhere but the headlines, Utah. Should they continue with the debate, there is no reason why the tensions would escalate to that of Israel and Palestine.

What video games can do to your mind:

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[expletive deleted]!!!!!!!!"

"No. No, no, no, no! No! No! NO! NO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO[smashes controller]"

"Sweet, full health, all energy tanks, and...[walks into boss room, dies in five seconds]...really? Are you kidding me?"

See, this is what brings the worst out of a lot of people: Video games. I love them. I love them to death! I have emulators of old systems on my laptop, and I kept my old Playstation so I can play NFL Blitz with my older brother. As ridiculous as that game is, there is never a dull moment.

While there are incredible sports games like Tecmo Bowl, Madden, Blitz and NBA Jam, there are some games that were meant to question your faith. Contra is tough, unless you know your "Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start" by heart. The code goes for most games, but it doesn't do JACK for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I've gotten as far as inside the Technodrome, but never made it to Shredder. Impossible.

You know what else is impossible? Battletoads. Check for yourself.



Nowadays, you have your video games where you can set the difficulty, whether they are role playing games, or one-on-one battles and tournaments. Some companies, such as Capcom, have not given up with the old-fashioned 8-bit games. Their fall 2008 release of Mega Man 9 excited millions of gamers and followers of the Mega Man series. I, for one, can vouch for that.

I played the Mega Man games since I was a small child. Mega Man 9 brought me joy when I had first played it, mainly because I haven't seen a new 8-bit video game in a long, long time.

About two stages into the game, I encountered this:


Umm...what? This is what I'm dealing with? The game is impossible, folks. Unless you are a true gamer, play this. It's ten dollars, so I would not recommend beating it. What they say is correct, you will have at least one hundred game overs before you beat it. My count is currently 40, on pace for 40,000 before I can beat the game.

I get upset about my sports teams, but video games hit the hardest. Had they not existed, I would probably be the most peaceful person on the planet, and work as a political leader trying to get a nation back on the right track.


...that sounds boring. I think journalist or teacher sounds like a fine career.

Half-assed liveblog for Oklahoma-Florida

10:36 - Detroit struggles at everything, and continues to air ads about "America's Best Truck." 20 mpg and $25,000 sounds like a sweet steal.

10:36 - Another Gator appears to be broken. Florida wide receiver Louis Murphy might have fallen funny or is having issues with his female sex organs.

10:38 - FOX returns to its crap broadcasters. They run the same play as before, but with Percy Harvin, who isn't exactly 100% tonight.

10:39 - Tim Tebow calls the infamous "F it" play and runs it himself for a first down while they were in trouble.

10:40 - Jeff Demps gets in on the action, decides to not be a piece of crap like Rainey and Murphy, who are on the sidelines.

10:42 - Tebow's pass looks perfect, receiver chooses poorly by not holding onto the ball.

10:43 - SEC power (not speed) gets Florida another 7 points. Percy Harvin runs it in for a score, making it 14-7 in favor of the Gators.

10:45 - Replay of Tim Tebow's 'Happy Gilmore to Chubbs Peterson" plea. Told the press they were attractive and that he was not very good looking.

10:47 - Blog posted, unnecessarily. Windows Vista is a waste, along with Dell.

10:49 - Gators' defense kicks it up a notch. Low field goal attempt by Oklahome denied by Florida's special teams. Oklahoma looks oh-so-gross right now.

10:51 - Murphy returns to field, breaks self again, returns to sidelines. On own power.

10:52 - Truth be told by sideline reporter Chris Myers, saying Murphy has cramping issues. It's 70 in Miami. Cramps should not exist.

10:53 - Oklahoma defensive player goes down, also appearing to have a cramping issue.

10:53 - I have cramps.

10:54 - All in attendance at Pro Player Stadium go down due to cramping problems.

10:55 - Tebow gets caught from behind, falls short of first down marker, Florida is forced to punt. Media calls timeout due to more cramping.

10:56 - American Idol preview airs, making me and millions of other viewers sick to their stomachs.

10:57 - Strange U.S. Cellular commercial airs. Leather back seats to car, movie theater chairs, and old jeans are getting blasted by some creep show's voiceover.

10:59 - Start of 4th quarter. Loud crunching sounds during Oklahoma's punt return reminds me of the good days in high school.

11:00 - Replay of Ohio State's embarrassment from 2006 brings a smile to my face.

11:01 - Confusion in that I cannot tell if I'm watching Chris Brown, Chris Brown from the Houston Texans, Chris Brown the R&B artist, or Adrian Peterson.

11:03 - I awake my father so he can deliver to Detroit in the early morning hours.

11:05 - Cat jumps on lap, forces me to take him outside in 10 degree weather and punt him over a fence.

11:06 - Cat returns, demands attention.

11:10 - Percy Harvin looks like he's fine, decides to make consecutive big run plays.

11:11 - Heisman Trophy Sam Bradford of Oklahoma suggests to head coach Bob Stoops to fold up shop and go home.

11:14 - After commercial break, Percy Harvin is seen on sidelines, pissed off at Oklahoma defensive back for not letting go after the play was over.

11:15 - Tebow appears confused, throws ball away on consecutive plays, forcing Florida to settle for another field goal. 17-7 Gators.

11:18 - My ears turn as I hear Denis Leary's voice. Instantly, I buy his latest masterpiece, Why We Suck on Amazon.

11:24 - After much consideration, I decide that liveblogging is for tools. However, fans of Oklahoma and Florida are tools as well.