It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon. It's time to get away from Journalism 321 and kick off the shoes and socks and let that tease that is spring weather come right through my window.
What's stupid is that it is still February, and it feels like mid-March. It's basketball season, not baseball or football. No, I am still patient enough to wait to break it to my Cubbie friends that this year will make it 102 years of waiting. After a 3 hour nap and some good timing, it was close to ESPN360 time. When you can't provide your own TV, the laptop and the internets can be your next-to-best friend.
"Who's on tonight?" Listings say that Purdue and Michigan are facing off in Ann Arbor. Tensions rise easily because of the fact that it's Michigan. This was a good opportunity for me to see the Boilermakers advance toward a possible Big Ten regular season championship. Michigan, under the coaching of John Beilein, have proven to be a good team with flashes of greatness. Their victory over Duke in December was pretty exciting and gave many a newfound appreciation for Michigan basketball (The Fab 5 were awesome to watch growing up.)
Throw out that garbage. Purdue has 21 wins under their belt, and the Wolverines are fighting for an at-large spot at the Big Dance. The Boilers had a lead until near the 5 minute mark of the first half, and they never regained it. Michigan took complete control in the second half with the help of DeShawn Sims, who scored 29 points on the night. Once the final seconds ticked off of that scoreboard, it made me wonder how messed up the Big Ten really is.
What the hell happened?
You have teams like Michigan State losing at home to Penn State and Northwestern; you have Illinois posting 36 against Minnesota and 33 on Penn State for the entire game; and the brainy institution known as Northwestern is being considered as a 12 seed across some prognosticators' boards.
What?
Surely, you can't place Michigan State as high as ninth in either poll. That's a mistake. Friends and other guests are more than welcome to comment on this, but who here really thinks that any team from the Big Ten is going to advance to the Elite 8? Or even the Sweet 16 for that matter? The idea is ludicrous, and it's just not going to happen--just like a Cubs world championship isn't going to happen.
The bright side is that the Big Ten should be able to ship out a boat load of its members to the Madness. Michigan State, Illinois, Purdue, Ohio State and Penn State should be in. Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan have a small amount of time to do work with their resumes but strong finishes in the conference tournament would help their cause.
I miss seeing Big Ten like it used to be. Indiana, Purdue, Michigan, MSU, Wisconsin and Ohio State had some of the best teams I had ever seen in my life. Perhaps they will return to their true selves in a few years...
...or I'm just going to see them all lose to second and third-tier programs in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
How to be a tool: Part 3
We have our own ways of expressing ourselves. Individualism is something we feel is necessary. We were told as young know-it-alls that we are "unique." Oh, there's a lot of unique people alright.
Through certain acts can some people be defined. We want to stand out amongst the crowd; we strive for attention. Many of the methods people choose are questionable, however.
What's a good way to show someone what's up? Hey, piercings are good.....on a girl. A stud isn't really too flashy, but for a dude, those big ass hoops that you are putting interest in makes one question the masculinity.
Piercings look awfully painful, and since I don't carry a second X-chromosome, I don't find it to be useful for anything. So what does that leave us with? Let's try to think of something that can be concealed...something that's a little more artsy. Something that has an equal amount of pain upon receiving the product. How can I make myself look more like a douche? Ah! A tattoo.
Nah, tattoos are OK. A few exceptions can be made. If you want to honor your fallen parents, sibling or best friend by having their image or initials associated with a Christian symbol--fine. That's good. Bible verses are cool too, but there are those that get carried away and want to have the entire book of Psalms inscribed on their body. Good luck.
The real heroes are the ones who have stupid ass, meaningless and irrelevant symbols and images someplace on their body. I mean, what the hell? Man, if this was all it took for me to be cool, I would have signed up a long time ago. This is what I've been missing out on for the last 21 years:
Through certain acts can some people be defined. We want to stand out amongst the crowd; we strive for attention. Many of the methods people choose are questionable, however.
What's a good way to show someone what's up? Hey, piercings are good.....on a girl. A stud isn't really too flashy, but for a dude, those big ass hoops that you are putting interest in makes one question the masculinity.
Piercings look awfully painful, and since I don't carry a second X-chromosome, I don't find it to be useful for anything. So what does that leave us with? Let's try to think of something that can be concealed...something that's a little more artsy. Something that has an equal amount of pain upon receiving the product. How can I make myself look more like a douche? Ah! A tattoo.
Nah, tattoos are OK. A few exceptions can be made. If you want to honor your fallen parents, sibling or best friend by having their image or initials associated with a Christian symbol--fine. That's good. Bible verses are cool too, but there are those that get carried away and want to have the entire book of Psalms inscribed on their body. Good luck.
The real heroes are the ones who have stupid ass, meaningless and irrelevant symbols and images someplace on their body. I mean, what the hell? Man, if this was all it took for me to be cool, I would have signed up a long time ago. This is what I've been missing out on for the last 21 years:
Damn. This is genius. How is it that I never thought of this before? Having the qualities of hot dogs, ketchup and mustard was something I always wanted to profess! Hot women will flock to me and ask, "So...you taste like Nathan's Hot Dogs or what?" Wrong, sweet cheeks; better.
If I wanted to look "gangsta," I would have struck myself silly with a crowbar. I have no desires to look like an asshole, even though the overwhelming majority dresses in a way to remind me that I'm just a little bitch. Right. Get an education first, form complete sentences and use real words so that I don't have to place you in a lower class. Your gun tattoo has already tainted your image and reputation--you're not frightening. Oh, you really do have a gun? On you? All strapped in? Bad news: So do I, and I'm crazier than you.
So what else could you get a tattoo of to be included in this "elite" list?
- Japanese cartoon characters
- Famous sports figures
- Fictional characters from famous movies.
- Spouse image (still alive)
- Girlfriend image (you're just dating after a few months)
- Foreign symbols that mean somethi--
I'm just going to stop right there at foreign symbols. What...the HELL...does it mean...when I see a picture of Asian calligraphy on your shoulder? When I play basketball at school, I see some sort of Chinese character on someone's chest when I'm guarding them. I'm fearful, because I don't know if I should expect for the person to yell something in Chinese, Japanese or Korean. I'm prepared for when they switch the 'L' and 'R' around, though. They also seem to be the threatening type, making up stories that they know Jiu-Jitsu. An elbow to the groin will settle that.
I'm not that quick to judge, but I know gang symbols and other associations when I see them. Come visit northwest Indiana and Chicago sometime. Anyways, when you include yourself in such an exlcusive group, you tell me many things: You do some things you really don't want to do. You are a coward. You are the boss' tool...and no, you don't get "dat stacka' paper!"
Tattoos get you attention, mainly unwanted attention. As judgmental as this sounds, you'll be surprised by how many people look down on you for the $200 pen and ink job that has the potential of becoming a waste. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Also, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship break ups are as common as corn fields here in the Midwest. Even if you do get hitched, piss your money away on something else, like a meth lab. You'll both feel really, really good for cheap.
- Famous sports figures
- Fictional characters from famous movies.
- Spouse image (still alive)
- Girlfriend image (you're just dating after a few months)
- Foreign symbols that mean somethi--
I'm just going to stop right there at foreign symbols. What...the HELL...does it mean...when I see a picture of Asian calligraphy on your shoulder? When I play basketball at school, I see some sort of Chinese character on someone's chest when I'm guarding them. I'm fearful, because I don't know if I should expect for the person to yell something in Chinese, Japanese or Korean. I'm prepared for when they switch the 'L' and 'R' around, though. They also seem to be the threatening type, making up stories that they know Jiu-Jitsu. An elbow to the groin will settle that.
I'm not that quick to judge, but I know gang symbols and other associations when I see them. Come visit northwest Indiana and Chicago sometime. Anyways, when you include yourself in such an exlcusive group, you tell me many things: You do some things you really don't want to do. You are a coward. You are the boss' tool...and no, you don't get "dat stacka' paper!"
Tattoos get you attention, mainly unwanted attention. As judgmental as this sounds, you'll be surprised by how many people look down on you for the $200 pen and ink job that has the potential of becoming a waste. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Also, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship break ups are as common as corn fields here in the Midwest. Even if you do get hitched, piss your money away on something else, like a meth lab. You'll both feel really, really good for cheap.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Oh no you didn't!
Lane Kiffin suffered a serious dumbass attack earlier today. If this is how he understands the rulebook, then I'm scared to see what's going to happen when Tennessee begins their 2009 campaign. Here's to another 3-9 season and a 77-0 blowout loss to Florida.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Top 25 Worst NFL Draft Picks Ever.
Today, I feel awful. It's just been a lousy day with school and other work. I'm going to remind you all how awesome life was in the last few decades, and how some of your favorite teams were devastated by making a few poor draft decisions. There is no particular order...except for #1.
25. Todd Blackledge
We know Blackledge today as a color commentator on ESPN and CBS Sports. He was an outstanding quarterback at Penn State, but when he was drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs, he developed a syndrome called "PSU grad, therefore sucks." He's insightful to a lot of us viewers, but he sure as hell didn't have any clue when he stepped on the field.
24. David Klingler
Bombs away? More like bombed the hell out of my poor city. As a Cincinnati fan, I'll take claim of this awful pick. In other words, I'll admit that we are among the worst when it comes to GM's [cough] Matt Millen...but anyways, Klingler put up HUGE numbers for the Houston Cougars, but he failed to put up any numbers with the Bengals.
23. Chris Weinke
I'm sorry, I don't want some old ass leading my team. He was 29 when he finally made it to the NFL a la Florida State. Everything would have been better for Carolina if they just let him listen to music all day on the sidelines.
22. Tim Couch
Many experts and scouts considered him the nation's best player when he came out of high school. Few thought he'd excel when he played his collegiate career out of the University of Kentucky. He still ended up being the #1 pick overall, and he finished his career as the #1 douche rocket.
21. Courtney Brown
Another wasted #1 pick for Cleveland. They aren't known as the Mistake by the Lake for nothing. This poor sap from Penn State was considered to be an outstanding defensive lineman who will make plays. He fizzled out of there quicker than shit through a goose.
20. Ki-Jana Carter
Ki-Jana looks very frustrated, as he looks tired...someone get this man a drink. Yet another Penn State mishap, Carter was in line to salvage Cincinnati's running game. 1997 couldn't come quicker when Corey Dillon's name was on the board. No one knows of Carter's whereabouts or his current occupation.
19. Akili Smith
He has no friends, or he doesn't accept diversity. While Jon Kitna is discussing the playbook with a fellow QB, Smith wonders why he sucks. Many of Smith's teammates kept their distance. They were afraid his ineptitude would rub off on to them.
18. Andre Ware
Hey, he's a Heisman Trophy winner! Now where did he play again? Detroit? Oh. Oh well, he looks good wearing a headset. The booth keeps him safe from making more costly errors.
17. Heath Shuler
Former Tennessee quarterback Heath Shuler had high hopes of having an outstanding career in the NFL. His hopes and dreams were soon broken when he joined the Washington Redskins. A tragedy on the field at best, Shuler is currently a representative in the United States Congress. Interesting twist, Bill Bradley wannabe.
16. Brett Favre
He sucks. Next.
15. Cade McNown
During his time at UCLA, McNown was being compared to the likes of Troy Aikman...even when Aikman was at UCLA, the scouts thought he sucked. But he flourished with Dallas. Could the Bruin prodigy bring hope to Chicacgo?
...well, if you look up all of Chicago's quarterbacks (except McMahon) history does not serve them well. McNown was another Windy City Disaster.
14. Curtis Enis
I just laugh every time I see his image because now he's a furniture mover...in Indiana! Quick, kids! Get out the cameras and sharpies!
13. Todd Marinovich
Judging his hair...this guy looks like a douche bag. Hey! I remember somebody else from USC who wore #13...hmm...douche.
12. Joey Harrington
By far, the greatest picture conceived by fan...from Detroit. It's as if he was to be blessed by Matt Millen. Oh, he was blessed alright...
11. Rick Mirer
Poor guy. Goshen is close to home for me, and to see Mirer get rocked almost all the time, it was hard to watch Seattle as a kid. And Seattle even had Shawn Kemp (from Elkhart, Ind.) play for the Sonics! However, both Kemp and Mirer turned out to be huge failures. Indiana needs to represent more...
10. Tony Mandarich
He looks like a damn pilot wearing a Green Bay hat you would find at a Truck Stop. He was called the greatest player to ever be recruited. Wow. Whoops!
9. Archie Griffin
Alright, so this guy won 2 Heisman Trophies. Big deal. It means NOTHING unless you win at the next level. Also, it was pretty hard to find a picture of Griffin in a pro uniform. The Buckeyes have been long proud of good players that don't amount to anything in the NFL.
8-6. (Tyrone Wheatley, Tim Biakabatuka, Chris Perry)
So...this isn't the Michigan RB trio. And Perry wasn't in the same time period. The newspaper from Ann Arbor says all that needed to be said.
5. Desmond Howard
He strutted it. He stroke the Heisman pose. He still wasn't that good.
4. Charles Rogers
One of many wasted picks at WR by Millen. Rogers had an excellent senior season at Michigan State, but he failed to continue his route-running and failed to use his hands adequately. Just another eyesore for the Detroit Lions.
3. Mike Williams
Oh boy. I know this is about Mike Williams, but take a look at who he's standing with. Shaun Cody. Guess what both have in common? They both do nothing. They're both wastes, but at least Cody gets to suit up on Sundays. Williams was just another over-hyped USC wide receiver. Sad, sad, sad.
2. Lawrence Phillips
I really don't know what to say about him. The "captured" text underneath his picture says it all. He definitely captured the eyes and ears of the media and viewers at home for his off-field issues. The Nebraska product only put up 1,400 yards rushing in just three years in the NFL. I'm certain that he's wearing a different kind of "blackshirt" at whatever "happy camp" he's at now.
1. Ryan Leaf
Legend. Need I say more...? I probably shouldn't, or he would yell for me to "knock it off!"
There will be an honorable mention list, in which you could throw in your duds in the comment box.
25. Todd Blackledge
We know Blackledge today as a color commentator on ESPN and CBS Sports. He was an outstanding quarterback at Penn State, but when he was drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs, he developed a syndrome called "PSU grad, therefore sucks." He's insightful to a lot of us viewers, but he sure as hell didn't have any clue when he stepped on the field.
24. David Klingler
Bombs away? More like bombed the hell out of my poor city. As a Cincinnati fan, I'll take claim of this awful pick. In other words, I'll admit that we are among the worst when it comes to GM's [cough] Matt Millen...but anyways, Klingler put up HUGE numbers for the Houston Cougars, but he failed to put up any numbers with the Bengals.
23. Chris Weinke
I'm sorry, I don't want some old ass leading my team. He was 29 when he finally made it to the NFL a la Florida State. Everything would have been better for Carolina if they just let him listen to music all day on the sidelines.
22. Tim Couch
Many experts and scouts considered him the nation's best player when he came out of high school. Few thought he'd excel when he played his collegiate career out of the University of Kentucky. He still ended up being the #1 pick overall, and he finished his career as the #1 douche rocket.
21. Courtney Brown
Another wasted #1 pick for Cleveland. They aren't known as the Mistake by the Lake for nothing. This poor sap from Penn State was considered to be an outstanding defensive lineman who will make plays. He fizzled out of there quicker than shit through a goose.
20. Ki-Jana Carter
Ki-Jana looks very frustrated, as he looks tired...someone get this man a drink. Yet another Penn State mishap, Carter was in line to salvage Cincinnati's running game. 1997 couldn't come quicker when Corey Dillon's name was on the board. No one knows of Carter's whereabouts or his current occupation.
19. Akili Smith
He has no friends, or he doesn't accept diversity. While Jon Kitna is discussing the playbook with a fellow QB, Smith wonders why he sucks. Many of Smith's teammates kept their distance. They were afraid his ineptitude would rub off on to them.
18. Andre Ware
Hey, he's a Heisman Trophy winner! Now where did he play again? Detroit? Oh. Oh well, he looks good wearing a headset. The booth keeps him safe from making more costly errors.
17. Heath Shuler
Former Tennessee quarterback Heath Shuler had high hopes of having an outstanding career in the NFL. His hopes and dreams were soon broken when he joined the Washington Redskins. A tragedy on the field at best, Shuler is currently a representative in the United States Congress. Interesting twist, Bill Bradley wannabe.
16. Brett Favre
He sucks. Next.
15. Cade McNown
During his time at UCLA, McNown was being compared to the likes of Troy Aikman...even when Aikman was at UCLA, the scouts thought he sucked. But he flourished with Dallas. Could the Bruin prodigy bring hope to Chicacgo?
...well, if you look up all of Chicago's quarterbacks (except McMahon) history does not serve them well. McNown was another Windy City Disaster.
14. Curtis Enis
I just laugh every time I see his image because now he's a furniture mover...in Indiana! Quick, kids! Get out the cameras and sharpies!
13. Todd Marinovich
Judging his hair...this guy looks like a douche bag. Hey! I remember somebody else from USC who wore #13...hmm...douche.
12. Joey Harrington
By far, the greatest picture conceived by fan...from Detroit. It's as if he was to be blessed by Matt Millen. Oh, he was blessed alright...
11. Rick Mirer
Poor guy. Goshen is close to home for me, and to see Mirer get rocked almost all the time, it was hard to watch Seattle as a kid. And Seattle even had Shawn Kemp (from Elkhart, Ind.) play for the Sonics! However, both Kemp and Mirer turned out to be huge failures. Indiana needs to represent more...
10. Tony Mandarich
He looks like a damn pilot wearing a Green Bay hat you would find at a Truck Stop. He was called the greatest player to ever be recruited. Wow. Whoops!
9. Archie Griffin
Alright, so this guy won 2 Heisman Trophies. Big deal. It means NOTHING unless you win at the next level. Also, it was pretty hard to find a picture of Griffin in a pro uniform. The Buckeyes have been long proud of good players that don't amount to anything in the NFL.
8-6. (Tyrone Wheatley, Tim Biakabatuka, Chris Perry)
So...this isn't the Michigan RB trio. And Perry wasn't in the same time period. The newspaper from Ann Arbor says all that needed to be said.
5. Desmond Howard
He strutted it. He stroke the Heisman pose. He still wasn't that good.
4. Charles Rogers
One of many wasted picks at WR by Millen. Rogers had an excellent senior season at Michigan State, but he failed to continue his route-running and failed to use his hands adequately. Just another eyesore for the Detroit Lions.
3. Mike Williams
Oh boy. I know this is about Mike Williams, but take a look at who he's standing with. Shaun Cody. Guess what both have in common? They both do nothing. They're both wastes, but at least Cody gets to suit up on Sundays. Williams was just another over-hyped USC wide receiver. Sad, sad, sad.
2. Lawrence Phillips
I really don't know what to say about him. The "captured" text underneath his picture says it all. He definitely captured the eyes and ears of the media and viewers at home for his off-field issues. The Nebraska product only put up 1,400 yards rushing in just three years in the NFL. I'm certain that he's wearing a different kind of "blackshirt" at whatever "happy camp" he's at now.
1. Ryan Leaf
Legend. Need I say more...? I probably shouldn't, or he would yell for me to "knock it off!"
There will be an honorable mention list, in which you could throw in your duds in the comment box.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Feelin' kinda Sunday...
Today moves me to tears. No one close to me has died [fingers crossed] but today will mark the end of the NFL season. As we make our way to the exits, we will be met by the bitter cold and boringness that is winter sport. I love basketball to death, but it's meaningless until March or during the NBA playoffs. That's ways out from now...but today, I salute you, dear football fans. I salute you, NFL players who are making way too much more money than me. Most importantly, I salute to all who are serving our country. Without the armed forces, we wouldn't have crazy awesome crap like this. It's Super Bowl Sunday, baby. Let's bask in the glory as millions of viewers across the world witness the grand finale of American football.
God bless this beautiful game. I'm going to miss you this offseason.
God bless this beautiful game. I'm going to miss you this offseason.
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