PREVIEW: The Pittsburgh Steelers (13-4)

The Steel City. Pittsburgh. Home of the Penguins, Pirates, and other third-rate franchises out there. They are better known as Shitsburgh. Psycho-ass fans waving piss yellow towels isn't exactly something that you want to be known for. "Oh, but it looks cool when we all do it unison." No, it doesn't, asswipe. You are hated. You are hated by many. Should one ever attend a football game where the Steelers are playing, take that towel and wipe yourself. YES, I mean W I P E Y O U R S E L F. This could mean crevasses, sweat, fecal matter, urine...all of that good stuff.

Now that you have an idea of how big of an asshole Shitsburgh really is, let's go through a rundown of the Steelers' post-season run:

Once again, Pittsburgh reigns as champions of the American Football Conference's North Division. Their 12-4 regular season finish could not have been done without the help of Ben Roethlisberger, Willie Parker, Mewelde Moore, Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, their defense, and the help of poor officiating.

Worthlessberger, signal caller for the Steelers, has had yet another mediocre season. Throwing for 3,301 yards, 17 touchdowns, and 15 picks, 'Big Ben' is looking to become the next Brett Favre in throwing a large amount of interceptions and leading squads to one Super Bowl victory with a great amount of heartbreaking playoff losses.

Parker does not have a whole to boast about this season due to sustaining silly injuries. He averages under four yards per carry, and he has only reached the end zone five times. After stepping into a small divot on the practice turf, head coach Mike Tomlin had to call on Mewelde Moore, who had previously been shelved by the Minnesota Vikings after they acquired Chester Taylor. While thinking that Minnesota sucks, Moore has 588 yards rushing with five touchdowns, which isn't bad since he had to fill in at starter in just four games. It's nice knowing that you have depth at the running back position.

The receiving corps isn't too shabby...in fact, some of the circus grabs they've been able to pull off this season saved Toothlessberger's ass down the stretch. That being said, they had to make the circus grabs because "Big Suck" isn't that accurate of a passer. Hines Ward leads the team in receiving yards and touchdowns, while Santonio Holmes and Nate Washington from widdle Tiffin College have a combined 1,452 yards in receiving. Oh, and that Heath Miller guy hasn't been bad, either.

Now...about their defense.



They're mean as Baltimore. No, scratch that. They're BETTER than Baltimore's defense:

POINTS ALLOWED: 13.9 per game (BEST)
YARDS ALLOWED: 237.2 per game (BEST)
PASSING YDS ALLOWED: 156.9 per game (BEST)
RUSHING YDS ALLOWED: 80.2 per game (2nd)

This is going to be a titanic clash of two great defenses on Sunday afternoon. It's really simple, but whoever's defense shows up, they will win the game. As big and badass as this game is going to be, do not be startled if your television screen is covered in yellow from those assclowns at Heinz Field.